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| Welcome to my home office, this is my capable assistant, Penelope. |
Earlier today, feelings of inadequacy overcame me when I finished that one email and suddenly remembered that I had put water on to boil thirty minutes prior in attempt to cook my poor excuse for a lunch while Penny was napping.
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| How many hours does it take to make Kraft? |
The water had mostly boiled itself to vapors.
The washing machine and my Blackberry beeped together in incessant harmony.
The dogs sniffed hopefully at the open cheese packet on the counter.
And of course, Penny was awake and wanted to be held.
Cut to now, the stove begs to be wiped down -- making macaroni and cheese with only one hand is messier than I thought it would be. The sheet and mattress-cover in the dryer beg to be returned safely to the bed after this morning's epic diaper explosion that shamed them so. The dogs beg to be taken out to play. The refrigerator begs for groceries. My hair begs for a shower.
This moment, my baby sleeps peacefully on my lap in the office. Such a beautiful being restricts one of my arms from reaching the computer keyboard and I can type those emails about half as fast. Guess I'll listen to voicemails from Friday. I've only logged 2 hours of work today so far.
I've drafted this post mostly by dictation on my iPhone, feeding the Blogger mobile app with spoken words while I nurse or eat or, what a novel idea, sneak away to the bathroom.
I'm not looking for pity, or even help. I know I could probably get someone to watch Penny on Mondays for me so I could get more accomplished... But I'm just not willing to be away from her more days of the week than I am with her, at least for as long as I can get away with it. I think I've said this before.
I'm just new at this. Kudos to all the moms out there who do this well. A constant reminder that there are other women out there who have days like this offers me more solace than I could write.
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| I'd be happy to help you with that packet of cheese powder... |
I can completely relate to this Julie. It doesn't get any easier, we just get better at juggling. Some days I want to cry because I feel so overwhelmed and inadequate, other days I feel like I have it all under control and I'm the best mommy in the world. Some days I love my job, other days I resent it for the time it takes me away from my son. I would say it depends on the day, but really it depends on the moment. Today was a good day and I'm ending with a smile on my face, but who knows about tomorrow? My 5:00 am alarm is looming, my 6:30 am patient is already complaining, so who knows how much patience will be left at the end of my 12 hour day. Hang in there, we've all had those days!
ReplyDeleteReading this made me want to cry! I guess that means I am a little overwhelmed right now too. No one ever promised motherhood would be easy (as I write this with my 2 year old on my lap who refused to nap today). But then again, we didn't sign up for 'easy', we signed up for 'worth it.' xoxox
ReplyDeleteKudos to YOU! I can't even fathom the idea of doing actual work given to me by an employer while at home with my daughter. I have enough to do around the house as it is and I somehow cannot find the time to do much outside of the house like mommy and baby group, or going to the pool, or getting in a workout. So the idea of committing to anything resembling work makes my head want to explode. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies for the encouraging words! Indeed, "we didn't sign up for easy, we signed up for worth-it" -- answered a calling!
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