Back Again

My back is out. Dunzo. For you anatomy nerds out there, the problem harvested itself on the left side of the joint between my L5 and my sacrum. For you nontechnical folks, it feels like someone wedged a jagged brick right above and to the left of my butt crack and is stabbing me from it whenever I move. 

It's a repeat injury from about five years ago, this time brought about by the perfect storm of being completely out of shape, recovering from pregnancy and cesarean surgery, being under stress at work, wearing high heels twice in one week and riding a bike that didn't fit me.  At least that's my theory. 

The last time my back did this, I was able to take off work, pop some serious painkillers, and homestead on the couch watching made-for-TV movies for a week.  Then I participated in physical therapy with best-in-class therapists twice a week downtown at Barrow... for just short of a year.   

This time I don't have that kind of time or resources. I have a child and a husband. I have commitments to others. I have limited vacation time from work. The rehab, the inability to do every day things, the copays and billing insurance and tax paperwork. This just doesn't work for me!

How I took for granted being able to wash and dry my legs and feet, or get into a car without gut wrenching pain.  React quickly enough to save my toddler from bumping her face on the coffee table (twice) or falling down the stairs (worst moment ever, she's fine P.S.).  Wash a dish, carry a laundry basket. Sit at a computer for more than a short while.

Dan, I'm so sorry for all those times I could have cleaned up after myself but didn't.  

I never wanted anyone else to take care of my child for me, but at least before it was because I chose (sort of) to continue to work outside the home.  Now it's because I physically cannot adequately care for my busy baby by myself.  I hate schlepping her off to others. I hate that she has no routine because every day of the week is different for her.  I hate that when I am home with her I can't do the hands-on mom things I ought to be able to do with her. 

This all went down last Wednesday, and I'm not feeling any better yet.  I've been under the care of a great chiropractor and diligent in doing my stretches and icing.  It will just take time.

My biggest fear is that my back's healing process is going to outlast others' patience and ability to help.  Or that I'm going to injur it further trying to tough it out or prove that I can still do things. 

This is my rock bottom and my wake up call.  I know from before that I can get through this, I just wish it would be faster.

Bluh. 

Penny attempting peek-a-boo with me
while I do low back stretches on the floor