Friday, July 11, 2014

Pillow Fight

"I miss you all day, up until the very moment I fall asleep; and I miss you the very moment I wake up in the morning...

Said the pregnant wife on the phone with her husband who is away at church camp.

...but I kind of love having the bed all to myself while I'm sleeping."

Pillows have been a point of contention in our marriage pretty much since the first night we got home from Canada and began to establish our non-honeymoon bed arrangements.

We discovered the following about one another:
Dan feels like any pillow that is not at the head of the bed is literally and symbolically an obstacle and barrier between us.
On the other hand, I like my pillows and I like my space and I like my sleep.

In our three years of marriage, we have had multiple exhaustive debates on the topics of what-defines-a-normal-amount-of-cuddling and what-do-all-these-pillows-say-about-our-relationship and is-intimacy-really-intimacy-if-you-are-sleeping-through-it and wouldn't-we-be-able-to-speak-eachother's-love-languages-better-if-we-got-good-sleep.

When we were first married, Dan unaffectionately named my body pillow "Ryan Gosling." (I have since gotten rid of that body pillow.)

Let me be clear. I extend NO affection for my pillows. My desire for my pillows is purely mechanical, not emotional. I love my husband more than I love my pillows.


In a perfect non-pregnant world, I would have one head pillow and two body pillows surrounding me all through the night.  I realize this is selfish and inconsiderate of my husband's need for physical touch (his primary love language).  These are simply the conditions under which I get my favorite kind of sleep.  

In our non-pregnant time, we reached a compromise: I would have only one body pillow and it would be on the outside of the bed - never between us in the middle.  This seemed to keep the bedtime peace.

Now things are a little different. 

The side effects of this pregnancy on my general comfort, especially during sleep, have been vastly greater than my last.  

In a perfect pregnant world, I would have an automatic intuitive preventative calf massaging machine to help me with the gut-wrenching leg cramps that awaken me multiple times a week (if only), pillows that perfectly conform to my belly surrounding me on all sides, and another machine beneath me to help me roll over during the night (if only). And nobody touching me, ever, while I'm sleeping (Unless it's a back rub. Never turn down a back rub).
To his credit, my husband is much more accepting of my pillow needs during pregnancy. You can tell how far along I am by the number of pillows that surround me when I sleep. As of right now, at 32 weeks, I am accompanied by four pillows. I expect to introduce one more in the next month or so. Then soon we will share our bedroom with a little nursling and everything will change once again.

The ever evolving bed setup is just a part of married and family life. I encourage all husbands and wives out there to embrace it. These seasons of baby making, baby incubating and baby nursing are the stuff of life.

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