Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Always Kiss Me Goodnight

We've all seen this catchphrase on placards or in framed fancy cursive or vinyl lettering a la Pinterest. It goes on the wall or on a nightstand in the master bedroom, a popular wedding gift, an oft-used saying. I tend not to like 'quotes as art' anyway, but this one in particular always seemed cheesy to me, especially when we first got married.

But I had never really thought about what it meant.  Have you?

It occurred to me the other night as I lay wide awake nursing my baby in the dark, that Dan and I hadn't kissed each other goodnight that night, or on many of the several nights preceding.  

It wasn't that we were particularly fighting [though we do a healthy amount of that], or that we were avoiding one another, it was just that we didn't kiss goodnight. Or maybe even say goodnight.  We just talked about the plans for the next day over toothpaste and face wash, each checked our phones one more time, and then went to bed.  

How easy in this season of life, with a baby in the bed, a toddler down the hall, and a to-do list a mile long, how easy it is to ho-hum our marriages and just make it through the day.  Like business partners in a tough economy.  I went back and read my other post on 'Marriage After Baby' from when we had just had Penny, and oh man, it feels so. much. harder. with two kids than it was back then.

People say about having four kids "imagine you are drowning, and someone hands you a baby."  Well, we only have two kids, and sometimes we even feel like we are drowning a little bit.  I'm told this is normal.   Furthermore, I could make an elaborate list of all the reasons that marriage and especially intimacy can take a hit after having a baby, but all of you reading this have either been there or will be there and learn for yourselves when the time comes.  

I realized as I lie there awake that I wished I was cuddling my snoring husband instead of my squirmy baby [probably a sign that it's coming time for sleep training] and that I wished we had kissed goodnight, though I wouldn't dare wake him up to do so.  

Always kiss me goodnight means always check in with me and remind me that we're in this together.  It means always remind me that you love me even when life feels ho-hum.  It means even when there's no time or whatever for "other-stuff" I still always want to be kissed.   Something I couldn't have understood until this season of our life.

I think I'm going to buy a cheesy little sign to put in our bedroom.


If your marriage needs a lift and you live in the Gilbert (Arizona) area, will you consider signing up for this 14-week program at Sun Valley Community Chuch?   Dan and I did this Re|Engage marriage enrichment program last semester and are doing it again starting later this month.  It begins January 26th and registration is going on now.  Please ask me if you want to know more about what it's like or our experience with it.

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