Wednesday, January 27, 2016


Penelope has been having a really hard time whenever I leave the house to go somewhere by myself.  She has no problem if Dan and I go somewhere together, and leave her with a babysitter.  But when I am trying to leave alone, she loses it.  Even if it's somewhere completely intolerable for a little girl, she insists she wants to go with me.  In the moment, I have to swallow my frustration because usually I have three options: 1. create a diversion and sneak out, 2. pry her off my leg and then suffer the guilt of leaving her behind in a pool of tears, or 3. stay long enough to talk through it with her that she actually does not want to come with me and brain-ninja her into thinking it was her idea that she should stay and I should go (which usually makes me late and still requires that I carry out #1).  Usually I'm already running late, so these extra steps are tough for me.

I'm trying to focus on being present with her more.  In general.  She constantly wants me to join her in doing her favorite things "Mommy, would you like to color with me?" "Mommy, would you like to play dress up with me?"  "Mommy, let's make something delicious in the kitchen."   Too often I've got my hands tied and can't.  Or won't.  But I'm making a conscious effort to allow myself to put work away, or pause doing the dishes, or postpone the email response; and give her a few minutes of undivided play.

Once, just once, I let Penny come along on a quick photo session for some friends of ours who I knew wouldn't mind that she tagged along, at a location where she could safely roam without constant supervision.   She was actually marginally helpful, getting their two-year-old to smile a little.  Now, she wants to be my photography assistant SOOOOOO bad.   "Mom, I will help you with your photo shoot."  "But mom, I know that kid you are taking pictures of."  Every time.  And she's devastated most when it's a photo shoot that I'm going to and she cannot come with me.

I hope when she's old enough to really assist, that she still has interest, because nothing would bring me more joy than for her to take up what I do, and have it be something we could do together.

Some day, big girl, some day.

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